Today's announcement from the Nobel Prize Commission that President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize sent shock waves throughout the world. The shock waves rebounded in middle earth where an Elvish message finally ended speculation and confirmed that Obama is a wizard, also known as Pallando.
"Pallondo brings a new hope for these troubled times," said the Elvish messenger, Eithreitir. "We stand with the The Nobel Prize Commission and echo their message of hope and peace."
The Republican National Committee released a statement welcoming the news that a Wizard was now the most powerful man on earth, but the Republicans also pointed out that today's announcement raises important questions about the past. "Where was Pallando when Sauron was ravaging the lands of Middle Earth?"
Five wizards were sent to middle earth in the third age by the Valaar to help contest the rise of Sauron. Two wizards are known for their roles in the destruction of the Dark Lord, and are no longer in Middle Earth. Saruman, once the leader of the Council of Wizards, had ambitions to acquire the One Ring for himself, and thus formed an operational alliance with Sauron. Gandalf is now the most famous of wizards for his role role in helping to overthrow Sauron and destroy the One Ring. Gandalf also bore one of the Elven rings, destroyed the Balrog of Moria, and overthrew the traitorous Saruman.
The best known wizards have left Middle Earth. Saruman was later killed in The Shire, and Gandalf departed middle earth for Valinor. The fate of the other three Wizards has remained a mystery. Radagast the brown is mentioned briefly in the Lord of the Rings, but the other two wizards are known only by their Maiar names, Alatar and Pallando. The locations and missions of these last three wizards has been a source of constant speculation in Middle Earth since the dawning of the Fourth Age.
The Elvish message today confirms what many have long suspected. The Wizard Pallando, now known as President Barack Obama, came to earth in the year 1050 of the Third Age. The Elves confirmed that his Hawaiian birth certificate was indeed forged to create a human identify so he could advance the causes of Peace in his role as President of the United States.
Eithreitir refused to answer questions about Pallando's mission to Middle Earth, his role in overthrowing Sauron, or his special powers. "The time may soon come when his full mission is revealed to all," she said, "but I cannot reveal it today." Eithreitir did confirm that Pallando, like Gandalf, loved Longbottom Leaf.